My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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