Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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