How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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