i would punch a child for taco bell
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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