apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize