I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
