She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
