jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize