In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
