my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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