i need an iv and a liver transplant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
