I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
