I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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