non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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