while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
