Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
