wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
