I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
