your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize