Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
