Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
