im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
