Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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