I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
