ya dads aren't the best wingmen
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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