you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
