Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
