She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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