Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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