I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
