god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
