Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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