I should be sponsored by Trojan
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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