My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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