I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
