I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
