i need an iv and a liver transplant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize