I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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