And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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