We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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