I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
