I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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