my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drake has all the answers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
