Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
