i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
