You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize