Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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