I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
