I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
