Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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