just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
