Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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