His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
