sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
