I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize