even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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