dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
