were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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