He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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