I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
