I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
