You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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