I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
