The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize