There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
