I heard we made out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize
