I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize