You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
